Lesbian Oil / Mud Wrestling Show in Lisbon

We all knew the stag wasn't getting away with a quiet night — but absolutely no one prepared him for this. The Lesbian Oil Wrestling Show is what happens when two dangerously hot performers decide to stage the most absurd, slippery, touchy, over-the-top wrestling “match” your feral group could ever dream up.

A Last Bad Decision exclusive in Portugal. Seems like nobody else is stupid enough to run this...

After a couple rounds of nonsense drinking games — the kind of activities only your group could proudly call “warming up” — the stag begins wondering why he’s been dragged into a Jiu Jitsu dojo to do the same thing he’s been doing all weekend: necking shots.

Round 1 The inflatable pool of oil is revealed, and two Victoria’s-Secret-gone-feral performers enter like queens who took a wrong turn and ended up in an underground fight club. Oiled up. Sliding. Grappling. Grabbing. Doing moves so hypnotic they immediately rewrite every man’s brain chemistry.

Round 2 Things escalate. We’re talking hair-pulling (the fun kind), rolling around in oil like two Greek goddesses fighting over the last bottle of tequila, and moves so unnecessarily dramatic you’ll swear you booked a telenovela by mistake. Pieces of bikini start flying off like they’re allergic to commitment.

Round 3 This is when the trap snaps shut. The stag gets grabbed, dragged, and launched into the ring like a sacrificial goat. The two performers instantly team up, circling him like predators who’ve spotted the weakest member of the herd. What follows is a double-team strip show engineered to melt his soul, destroy his dignity, and haunt the wedding slideshow if anyone ever discovers evidence of it.

Meanwhile, you lot will be screaming, howling, malfunctioning, and gasping for oxygen as your soon-to-be-married friend gets emotionally and physically folded like a lawn chair.

This is theatrical chaos. This is Olympic-level nonsense. This is the kind of story that sticks with your group for years — like glitter you can’t wash off no matter how many showers you take.